Signs

I love looking at signs from decades past, especially ones that have outgrown their relevance. I took photos of these two. They won't be around forever.

Tuesday

Too busy to write today. This is a disappointing entry, but at least the colors are pretty.

Goslings

In three different parts of the state today, I saw mother geese (or ducks or swans, I don't always know which giant bird I'm looking at) walking with fluffy yellow goslings/ducklings/chicks. It was CUUUUUTE.

In one case, The Boy had to stop his car and let them all cross the road.

I guess it has to do with the advent of spring -- birds and bees "do it", and now, on a very hot and sunny day, the momma geese must nudge their little goslings to water so they can swim and drink.

Have I mentioned how cute they were?

The Boy thought it was girly of me to mention that, but I still answered correctly who was pitching for the Mets today when he asked, so I get a break... (Although, shhhhh, I only knew the person's nickname and luckily he didn't ask the real name.)

On another note...you can disregard the stuff below about seeking a laptop, because I found a cheap new one with a rebate. Computers have come way down over the years.

And finally, right now "Bridezillas" is on our TV. While certainly there are spoiled people in the world, I feel bad for some of these girls because they are led to believe, either by peers (who've had similarly lavish weddings) or the wedding industry, that they must include all sorts of refinements in their wedding, and then one of them goes wrong and they get upset (like the girl on TV who is crying right now because a wheel just fell off a replica of a wagon, and her dad isn't taking it seriously). The important thing is bringing two people together who love each other.

I was going to blog about some other silly thing, but I forgot. It probably wasn't important, like 99.99 percent of whatever else is on here. I hope you all have a wonderful wonderful week!!!!

Snow Caps


In high school, I weighed about 100 pounds. I used to think it was just my metabolism, but looking back, I probably didn't eat that much excess junk considering I was only eating whatever my mother gave me for breakfast and dinner, and whatever the meager $1.65 school lunch was every day. I always had ice cream after school, but still, it wasn't like I had the money or time to buy my own snackage. There was one year when I had no friends in my lunch period, so instead of even eating lunch, I went to the library every day, bent into a carrel where the librarians couldn't see me eating, and pulled out a granola bar.

But I digress.


I got into college and signed up for the standard freshman three-meal-a-day meal plan.

Suddenly, not only were a full range of hot foods, sandwiches and cereals at my disposal, but for lunch and dinner, the "ice cream bar" was out. Besides hot fudge and the like, it featured such toppings as Heath bar crunch and Snow-Caps.


Clearly, draconian measures had to be instituted. I decided that I would allow myself to have "ice cream days" and "chocolate days" only two days a week. I made them the same days: Tuesday and Thursday, because I had my hardest classes those days. Ice cream and chocolate could ease the pain.

"You girls are crazy," this kid across the hall said to me once, "With your ice cream days." (I wasn't the only one.)

One Monday, I snuck a cup full of those delicious dark-chocolate Snow Caps out of the cafeteria and placed it on my dresser. I wanted it, but I couldn't eat it yet. After all, it was Monday.

That night, I had to study for my Calculus 141 exam. I sat Indian-style on my bed and started studying. My roommate sat on the bed across from mine, studying too. She knew I was salivating over those Snow-Caps, just a few feet away.

The red numbers on my clock radio changed. 11:48. 11:49.

At precisely 12:01 a.m., I put my Calc book down and plunged my mouth into the cup full of delicious Snow-Caps.

That anticipation really got me through.

I don't think this story goes very far to dispel the notion that women have food issues, does it?

Sopranos

Two days since the finale and I've managed to avoid most of the spoilers. So everyone, shazz up!!!!

Still no offers of used laptops, so let me know if you're selling.

Needed

I need to buy a cheap used laptop. If you've got one or know anyone who is getting rid of one, please lemme know! E-mail me at the link at my webpage. Thanks!

Tuesday

A few people commented on the fact that I posted my "Monday" entry on Saturday. Well, yes, I did, but I'm allowed to get ahead! All right?

I heard that a lot of people's screens went back at the end of the first hour of the Sopranos this past Sunday, and they didn't get to see the second hour, when everyone stripped off all their clothes and did the macarena. And then Bob Newhart showed up and it turned out it was all a dream. It's so sad that you all missed that!! It was great.

Yes, I am posting this on Monday. And it's for Tuesday. So do you want to make somethin' of it?

Monday thoughts

Is Ikea the opposite of Nokia?

Saturday night madness

We are a really rowdy couple. A new CVS opened in the area, and they sent out coupons for $10 off $20 of goods. So this evening, we made sure to go to CVS and buy $20 worth of stuff to use the coupon.

That's us. Par-tay, par-tay, par-tay!!!! ;)

I bet you are wondering what we purchased. I think there was some conditioner in there. Tide pens too. And maybe -- hold on to your undies -- skim milk!

Seriously, I wouldn't have it any other way.

Oh, I also got a haircut. Shhhh.

Only in New York

Only in New York do they publish articles designed to make you relieved that you haven't gotten a book deal.

Check out the Observer's story from today, My Book Deal Ruined My Life.

Just remember that it doesn't have to be extreme as some of these writers make it. I guess I did more solitary writing years ago...now I work on it here and there. I think the key is to not assume you will make your only living at it right away, because then there's too much pressure to produce.

I like this quote: “You’re not letting people read it as you write it. Nobody has ever read what you’re doing. It could be terrible. It could be brilliant. And you start to think, ‘Oh God, this is a complete piece of shit that couldn’t be published...”


On another note

This book sold recently:

Denver Post writer Doug Brown's JUST DO IT: How One Couple Screwed Their Life and Love Back Together, about the 101 days the author and his wife committed to have sex every day, no matter what, and exploring how anyone can strengthen a relationship, and fall back in love with their spouse even after a decade together, to Allison McCabe at Crown, by Daniel Lazar at Writers House.

So anyway

I've been on my diet for a month as of this Sunday. And I'm a bit tired of it! I run on the treadmill almost every morning (kind of boring, but the iPod helps) and I haven't been eating sweets. Definitely no fried food, and less cheese than usual. No chocolate.

I did manage to lose the five pounds, so I will probably go back to a less-strict diet soon.

I also haven't really done any writing in almost a month. Which is good, because when I write, I eat. I am waiting for Superagent to read the novel I handed in last month. I do have some manuscripts that I pick and poke at now and then, but wedding planning and other things take priority.

The NJ anthology came out on Tuesday. Haven't seen any reviews, but at least my writing is out there, and can always lead to more publications. Or movies. Or stuff.

Happy Thursday.

Mailbag

Two responses to Manhattanhenge:

Dave speculates:

Take whatever date that was and subtract it from June 22. Then take that difference and ADD it to June 22, and the sun should be in the same place.

Mickey writes:

Your comment on the East / West Sun was interesting. I was driving one day in Teaneck when that happened. It blinded all drivers. It stopped traffic. You could not see a thing. I don't remember the date though. Sorry.

BEA

So Friday I went to the Book Expo of America, an annual publishing industry convention where publishers flaunt their new books. It was at the Javits Center for three days.

I got to see an editor whom I'd pitched a book to a year ago (she's still considering it), and I saw some publicity people from Red Dress Ink. "You should publish 200,000 more copies of that Carrie Pilby book," I said. I don't think it helped.

Perhaps the most interesting book I got free was a light-blue uncorrected galley of something called FINDING IRIS CHANG: Friendship, Ambition, and the Loss of an Extraordinary Mind. Since Iris was an otherwise successful young woman who committed suicide at the age of 36, I was kind of curious about the book.

I debated taking it, as one's totebag gets heavy and runneth over at the conference, but I couldn't quite put the book down. And out of all the books I got, I somehow started reading this one first.

Apparently, Iris was an overachieving journalist of whom many other journalists were jealous. Yet, she also did some wonderful work at an early age, including exposing the extent of Japanese atrocities committed against the Chinese during WWII. The book is interesting on several levels:

1. It shows the kind of dangers faced by the rare journalists who really stick their necks out to uncover and write about wrongdoing, and there are so few people willing to do this kind of probing work. Sometimes, as a journalist, you find something you want to expose, and you know that it will take months of work and pushing and interviews for possibly little reward. But you know the story is there and you must follow it. Irish Chang ended up writing three important books in that vein.

2. On another level, the book shows the kind of naivete that still exists in this day and age about mental illness. The book is written by a friend and former classmate of Iris who can't understand how someone so smart and successful suddenly killed herself. In the days before Chang killed herself, she called the author and rambled for more than an hour, saying things like "I think I gave my son autism through vaccinations" and "If anything should happen to me, remember how I was before I got sick, ok?" Naively, the author believes people who tell her that Chang was merely "depressed" or stressed by the book tour. When someone is experiencing delusions like harming her son, it's more than stress. And when someone hints that they are going to commit suicide, you don't just let it go. Anyway, later in the book the author reveals (surprise) that Chang had more serious problems than depression. Chang's mom was reluctant to talk about it at first, but then spoke publicly on it later, because of the stigma of mental illness in the Asian community. There are so many people who just don't understand the pervasiveness and nuances of mental illness, and I think this book sheds a little light on how it can happen to someone who is otherwise successful.

3. The book is interesting on a gossipy level because of the extent of the jealousy of Iris by her superiors. Sometimes the book has a bit of a smarmy feel as certain people in it are a bit too curious about her suicide, more than they are saddened by the loss. But it's an important book about an important person.

Wow, I went off on one book...I'm not all the way through it but it seems worth reading.

I also got a novel called "The Flawless Skin of Ugly People" by Doug Crandell that's coming out this fall; a book called Grub that is described as a "send-up of the publishing world", a book about Jane Austen, Tom Perrotta's new book The Abstinence Teacher (signed!!), and a hardcover Red Dress Ink book, Welcome to the Real World by Carole Matthews.Other goodies included a free Mad magazine, some notebooks, and pads.

I also bumped into a few people I know, like Nichelle of the Nichelle Newsletter who is always nice enough to call out my name as we are making our ways through the throngs. All in all, a worthwhile visit.

Unfortunately, next year BEA will be held in L.A., so I'll be skipping that one.

Over and out.

Hold everything!

'Awwww' alert.

Monday, Monday

I got some interesting books at the book festival. It's like trick-or-treating for us publishing folks. I even got some ESPN books for the boy and some comic books for a friend. I'll write more about what happened there when I get time.

I also met Tom Perrotta. He's shorter than me, doncha know.

Also, the Mets won 6-1. Yay! And I got peanuts all over the place. Yay again.

***********CORRECTION***********

The score was SEVEN TO ONE. SEVEN TO ONE. My better half wanted that made clear immediately. Sorry, my little hug-muffin. Forgive me, Mets fans!

Sunset in Manhattan

Twice a year, the sun sets in direct alignment with Manhattan's east-west streets, flooding walls and buildings with pink light for the last 15 minutes of the day. It's pretty cool to see. However, I keep missing it. Does anyone know which two dates it is this year? Please e-mail me if you do.

Here are some descriptions of it last year with maybe better explanations.

Here is something from Wikipedia suggesting that it's on specific dates each year. I didn't hear about it this year. But I often miss it. Wikipedia seems to believe a term was only coined for it five years ago. No one noticed before?? Or maybe there just weren't enough web sites that were talking about such things.

UPDATE: Okay, apparently it was a mere two days ago and I missed it! There will be another one in July but these articles don't say exactly when. Grrrr.

Anyhoo, there are rumors that this weekend, I will both attend the Book Expo of America, and I might see the Mets play as well. Cheers!

Cherry red

I ate a pound of cherries for breakfast today. I did that a few days ago, too. They are REALLY filling and very sweet. I'm finding that this is a good breakfast on my diet. No fat, no cholesterol, lots of fiber and Vitamin C. Sugary, too, but at least it's fruit sugar.

I looked up the nutritional value to be sure.

They tend to range from $1.99 to $4.99 a pound now, depending on who is selling them. Anyway, if you're trying to eat healthy, I recommend them as a snack. But wear a paper towel over your shirt. They stain.

Disclaimer: I'm not responsible if you swallow one of those slippery pits!

Oops

I was going to post about how I forgot to post today. But I thought today was Monday. Now I realize today is Tuesday, and I am actually TWO days behind. So you will probably read it on Wednesday.

And it really was worth waiting for, was it?

I could tell you about my weekend, but it can't compare to the weekend of a friend of mine who ordered something really disgusting at a Japanese restaurant, that will remain nameless. Ewww.

At one point this weekend we saw Asbury Park. Sadly, it has not been fully developed yet and some of it is frozen in time. Meanwhile, a few miles south, Belmar is booming. Asbury Park could be that way someday too, but it will take work.

Have a great weekend!

Sometimes I go to turn off my computer, and the program that actually turns off the computer stops working in the middle of the action, and the computer asks me if I should "end now" or wait for that program to work. So if I hit "end now" do you think that it STOPS the program that turns the computer off, or it does actually turn the computer off, meaning the move was actually successful? Usually the computer turns off.

I know, what?

Oh yeah, of course, it's a Dell.

Dear cupcakes,



I won't be seeing you for a while.

I ate too many of you lately, and am cutting down on sweets (okay, pretty much eliminating sweets) now that it's summer. I am looking to fresh peas, apples, cherries and oatmeal for sustenance, as well as the usual dinner foods. Fat-free stuff. Please do not get jealous. It's a necessity this time of year. But I sure do like to look at you, cupcakes. You are sweet, colorful, and you fill me with joy. Not as much as the boy, but joy nonetheless.

Don't go away, cupcakes. I'll be seeing you reaaaal soon.

Scam e-mail, or real?

Received today:

Hi, C-ren! My name is T--- T----- and I'm from Romania.

I want to ask you something. Can you send me your book,Carrie Pilby?
I like to read a lot. And these kind of books. Like yours.
Why am I asking you to send me? Because.. I'd like to buy it,but I don't have money. My parents divorced soon and my father doesn't give me money. And my mother tries everyday to give me something to eat.
I love to read books write in English. That's the way how I learn better this beautiful language.

I hope to write me soon! Best wishes!
T---- T------


Anthology update

I think one of you must have bought this, because its Amazon ranking went up! Thanks.


Update: Reader mail

A reader writes:

I think that I really could have gotten it on with your mom! Sha g-a-delic! Groovy Baby!
I think that the book thing was a scam. This guy could afford a computer and the internet but not a book?

I assume it's a girl, and maybe she went to the library. And stop being creepy about my mom!


2nd Update: Reader writes again

Oh, I forgot about the library. And yes, I creep myself out sometimes also. But she is kinda cute you gotta admit. She has that shag-a delic look about her. After all she didn't find you and your bro in the cabbage patch like she told you.

I can't handle the truth

Someone who shall remain nameless recently pointed out to me that 1982 was 25 years ago.

"You know what was 25 years before 1982?" he asked. "1957. That means that we are as far from 1982 as 1982 was from 1957."

Ack!

Hmmm, seems like the world changed a lot more between 1957 and 1982 than between 1982 and now. I guess we have the internet now, and our enemy has changed from Russia to Al Qu**a, but I still think there were more changes from 1957 to 1982. I think the innocent '50s really ended when Kennedy was shot. All the things that used to be kept in the dark started coming out. Not just his affairs.

And that's my rambling for this morning.

The Boy shared this Jay Leno witticism with me: "Jimmy Carter said that Bush was the worst president in history. Bush responded that that's not true. He was actually the worst in math and English."

Groovy, baby!

Yesterday I cleaned the apt. I came across the Austin Powers-esque photo of my mom.



After I finished cleaning, I made fresh lemonade. It's not always worth it to make fresh juice these days when there are brands of juice in the supermarket that are almost as fresh. But it's nice to make it truly fresh, the way you like it. The downside: the lemons alone cost $3.50, and then there's the bother of using the food processor, etc.





I felt very summery.

Finally, it's only two weeks until my tale of summer woe appears in this Simon & Schuster anthology of memoirs about growing up in NJ.

Even though I usually don't get too personal in my writing, there is some slightly personal stuff in here - mostly just stuff that's not very shocking (that my parents were getting divorced and it was uncomfortable...not very surprising).

Anyway, I'll be participating in a reading at some point. The anthology includes some famous folks like Josh Braff and Tom Perrotta (who wrote the book on which the flick "Election" is based). It's good beach and vacation reading this summer, so pick it up when it debuts June 5. Whee!

Super-important update: Look at today's puppy!!!

T.G.I.F.

There are several things worth noting in this week's New Yorker Magazine.

One is the Shouts 'n' Murmurs piece by Larry Doyle, a fake wedding invitation. Notable quote:

E-vites are for the Guest only; there is no 'implied plus-one.' We’re sorry, but it’s a very small mountaintop, with limited ruins. We have gone to exhaustive lengths to achieve a proper mix of personalities, races, classes, ages, and orientations to insure a Fun and Romantic Event for all. So don’t be surprised to find that your True Plus-One is already there! (Though just one plus-one per guest, please. Do you hear me, Erika?)

I think we may use that in our invitation.

Also notable is a short piece about a screenwriter I wrote about on this blog a few months ago, Mike White, hanging around a zoo in his childlike way. He has a dry sense o' humor and I like it.

Finally, also in Talk of the Town, is this quote:

"College, from which some 1.5 million people will graduate this year, is, basically, a sleepover with grades."

Well said.

Advice of the day

Don't leave kittens near an open window. Courtesy of Derek's blog.

Books that sold last week

From Publisher's Marketplace: Andrew Davidson's THE GARGOYLE, "a densely packed story about a car-accident victim in the burn ward befriended by a mysterious woman who claims to be a stone carver in a fifteenth-century German abbey" (per NY Mag), to Gerald Howard of Doubleday, at auction, reportedly for "around $1.25 million," by Eric Simonoff at Janklow & Nesbit (US).

For "Around $1.25 million"??

I'll take that for my next book, too. Thanks!

Crumbs

The Boy and I went to a famous cupcake place, Crumbs in NYC. They have a few locations. I think the 'cupcake craze' is really just a way to eat a lot of frosting on a tiny bit of cake, and it doesn't seem all that hard to gain a following if you open a cupcake store and dollop a LOT of frosting on and color it. More obviously, it's just a sneaky way to put butter and sugar in your mouth. But yum, some do it so very well.

The above photo shows what we bought.

Below, TIME ELAPSED: 12 HOURS.



The green one was supposed to be "key lime" but I think someone forgot to flavor it that day. The frosting was plain frosting that happened to look green. The raspberry one was delicious and had raspberry filling too. Fluffernutter (the one with white sprinkles) was also good.

Now if only I can find a way to work this into a diet...

Tuesday Thoughts

(today's blog entry was previously recorded on an earlier day)

Why do I keep getting junk e-mail from Hoodia? I never liked any of his records with the Blowfish.

I was bored in the first "Shrek" and didn't pay attention to the others. But I do like the sign outside McDonald's with a picture of Shrek that says "Come ogre here."

One of the most wonderful feelings in the world is finding someone or something that fits. If you start reading a book and realize you're really drawn in, that's a happy feeling. If you find a piece of clothing that fits you just right and makes you look good and feel good, that's a happy feeling. Of course, the best feeling is if you find someone who says things that melt your insides, things that make you feel really, really glad you met him/her.

Monday meanderings

(Okay, I'm really writing this Saturday morning.)

My friend Jodi, who lives in LA, recently got to spend an evening with the Simpsons! Yes, the cartoon characters. It was a party for their movie. Check out the photo. Scroll down a day to the Simpsons entry.

I got an e-mailed comment on Carrie Pilby, the first in a long time. I'm so glad that people are still finding it:

Wonderful book. I rarely read books where I feel the female protagonist has much in common with me, but this one was an exception. Laugh-out-loud...I think of it more in the same genre as Mark Haddon's "Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time", where the author also succeeds in getting deeply inside the persona of, and making sympathetic, a character who most readers won't have much in common with.
Thanks for the blog link and good luck with the writing... I promptly put everything else you wrote onto the list, but it would be nice to have more to add. :-)

Hopefully I will provide more to add! Thanks for the compliments!

Happy Mother's Day.

Me & Mom

Agh

I've been too busy to post on Friday lately so I thought I would do one today.

oops, gotta go

Ramblings

Carnival Cruises is hosting a "Bloggers' cruise" in 2008 for $599 a person. It turns out it's actually a cruise with Cruise Director John Heald, who gets thousands of hits on his blog, www.carnival.com/freedom. So I guess they're encouraging fans of his to go. Not other bloggers, per se.

On an unrelated note, my fellow writer and near-neighbor Jeff Somers, whose book is coming out in fall, has experienced the wonder of getting Advanced Readers' Copies of said book (see the blog). Since he's written a zillion things and most have only been published in small venues, it's nice to see such success.

May flowers

April showers bring May flowers. And then May winds blow them all around and invade my sinuses and make my nose sniffle and my eyes water. Like they have been doing on and off for a few days.

But they sure are pretty to look at!

Welcome back

I've been too busy to post lately, so here's a jumble of stuff.

First, yesterday there was an Associated Press article on the boy who had an earache, and a doctor found two spiders living in his ear. I really think that it was sick of the Spider Man producers to do this as publicity. Their film is making enough money!! Seriously, now every time my ear tickles or hurts, I'll have nightmares.

It looks like the l*sbian date blogger has stopped blogging. She was a good writer. I think she found, as many people have, that it's not good to get too personal on the internet.

Speaking of dating, I have been just alerted that Todd Seavey has put a "personal ad" up.

I love the music in the 1980 movie "Xanadu," even though the movie bombed. I wonder if the soon-to-start Broadway version will bomb as well. It looks like it's taking itself seriously, rather than being campy (bad idea?). Who knows. I'd see it for the music...if it was inexpensive enough. So far, doesn't look that way.

Finally, I finished and turned in two major writing projects yesterday. It's a great relief. Don't ask which ones they were, because it doesn't matter. There are too many things in various states of completion, and who knows when the next revision will be. But for now, I get a break from writing for a while.

10-4.

It was the best of times...

I get a weekly e-mailed list of books that sold, and this was one of 'em. Do you think this will help your relationship? Personally, Dickens would not be my first pick.

Narrative
DINNER WITH DAD writer Cameron Stracher's A TALE OF TWO SPOUSES: Reading Dickens With My Wife, recognizing the mind is at least as sexy as the body, in which the author and his wife turn to Dickens as low-tech tonic and aphrodisiac to restore balance and intimacy in their high-tech existence, jump-starting a conversation gone (largely) silent, to Bruce Tracy at Villard, by Lisa Bankoff at ICM (NA).

Reply All

A few weeks ago, I got junkmail in my work e-mail box about some on-line auction.

Apparently, some people who also got the junkmail were not happy with it, and kept sending mean replies. Only, they hit "reply all" and made it worse.

Here were some of the replies:

Re: This is Your Last Chance! One Day Left to Bid on The HADFM Online Auction!
Please remove me from this fat hairy mailing list.

Please remove me as well -Greg

Fuck yeah, get me off that shit too. At present I’m bidding to have you professionally killed by ninjas

I will contribute to that Ninja bill
Remove me from this list
It’s arrived a half dozen times

Woof

I swear that I'm not obsessed with puppies. They are just cute and make me smile. But even I have my limits. Last night, there was a show on called "America's Cutest Puppies." Of course, it got my attention instantly. First they brought out a bunch of puppies in front of the judges, and the judges chose their ten cutest, just by looking at their faces. Okay, so it's puppies; they can't exactly give speeches about wanting world peace.

Then, the ten cutest puppies came back out and were to be judged on "playfulness." Meanwhile, all of this was punctuated by a Philadelphia Eagles cheerleader (it took place in Philadelphia) doing cheers like "P-U-P-P-I-E-S, Yaaaaaay, puppies!!!!!!"

In the playfulness category, a golden retriever puppy came out and chased the light from a laser pointer. The judges were extremely impressed by this. Then some puppies showed that they knew how to "sit." Great. All the pups were purebred, which was boring and didn't really advance the cause of getting people to consider adopting homeless pups as well.

They used the "playfulness" category to narrow the field further to five puppies, but at that point I turned it off. I like looking at cute puppies, but even I have standards.

It wasn't me! (april 26)

http://www.jossip.com/gossip/whodunit/

Woof

For today's post, cute puppies!

And check this one out from multiple angles.

Opera verson of "Baby Got Back"

Seems to be making the blog rounds.

Tuesday's post

Still more rejected wedding songs

"Date Rape" by Sublime

(Note: very good for running on treadmill!)

Let me tell you about a girl I know,
had a drink about a hour ago.
Sitting in a corner by herself,
in a bar in downtown Hell.
She heard a noise and she looked through the door.
And saw a man she'd never seen before.
Light skin, light blue eyes,
a double-chin and a plastic smile.
Well, her heart raced as he walked in the door
And took an empty seat next to her at the bar.
"My brand new car is parked right outside.
How'd ya like to go for a ride?"
And she said."Wait a minute I have to think."
He said, "That's fine. May I please buy you a drink"
One drink turned into 3 or 4 and they left and got into his car
and they drove away someplace real far.
"Now babe the time has come.
How'd ya like to have a little fun?"
And she said."If we could only please be on our way, I will not run."
That's when things got out of control.
She didn't want to, he had his way.
She said, "Let's Go" He said, "No Way!"
Come on babe it's your lucky day.
Shut your mouth, were gonna do it my way.
Come on baby don't be afraid,
if it wasn't for date rape I'd never get laid...

.....The moral of the date rape story,
it does not pay to be drunk and horny.
But that's the way it had to be.
They locked him up and threw away the key.
Well, I can't take pity on men of his kind,
even though he now takes it in the behind.

Rejected wedding songs, part whatever

Why Don't You Get A Job? by The Offspring

My friend's got a girlfriend
Man he hates that bitch
He tells me every day
He says "man I really gotta lose my chickIn the worst kind of way"
She sits on her ass
He works his hands to the bone
To give her money every payday
But she wants more dinero
just to stay at home
Well my friend You gotta say
I won't pay,
I won't pay ya, no wayna-na,
Why don't you get a job?

I guess all his money,
well it isn't enough
To keep her bill collectors at bay
I guess all his money,
well it isn't enough
Cause that girl's got expensive taste
I won't pay, I won't pay ya,
no wayna-na,
Why don't you get a job?

Happy 420

On the radio this morning, they said it's the "Stoner's New Year" because 420 is a nickname for marijuana. (It comes from the police code for marijuana: 420). I'm glad there's another nickname for it; there simply aren't enough. Grass, pot, hootch, maryjane, and weeeeeeed are not good enough. Let's not forget a doobie, a joint, etc....

4/20 is also Hitler's b-day and the anniversary of Columbine. So all in all, I guess drugs are actually the best thing about the day.

I didn't get a chance to post yesterday, but there are more 'rejected wedding songs' to come from the Offspring, Sublime, and many more. Don't touch that dial!

I read that the idiot(s) who sodomized the dog in Newark have been captured. At least, suspects have. And...the doggy was adopted by the vet tech who had treated her every day. The tech also has four cats and another dog who will welcome their beautiful friend.

I hope everyone has a lovely Friday and a good weekend. It's going to be warm out, the Boy tells me.

The happiest sound in all the world?

If you are a fan of "The Sound of Music," or even if you're not (ahem), check out this very clever video on YouTube.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=26lEER3Pyr0

Brown

I bought what I thought were brown shorts at J. Crew. Now they look dark green. I hate when that happens.

When I look for the color on the tag, it says DOL. Hmmm. I'm sure that'll hit me later and seem really obvious. I think it is supposed to really say "D'OH! You bought a different color pants than you thought!"

I may keep them anyway. I can always use more khaki shorts.

Tuesday

I think my blog entries may be rather short this month because we are busy, but I'll try to be occasionally witty here if I actually get the time.

My barometer reached a new low yesterday (much like the blog itself, ha ha ha).

People say that it's harder to have a kid when you're older, but there is evidence that it's not - I mean, look at Steven and Elise Keaton. They pushed out that annoying little Andy just as soon as the other Keaton kids weren't cute anymore. Elise had to be pushing like 45. And what about Roseanne and Dan? If my kid was Darlene, I certainly would want to make amends by having another cutie, and that's what they actually did. Now, let's look at the Seavers on Growing Pains. Same deal. Mrs. Seaver (a journalist, yay) also had to be pretty old by then. Maybe that's why the kid's hair turned out so awful. It was pretty interesting how, over a summer, she went from being a newborn to being three years old. Super Seaver powers, no doubt! (I guess adopting Leonardo DeCaprio wasn't enough. You'd think it would be, for most families.)

And then there were the Bundys. How old was Peggy Bundy when little Seven came into their life? I think they adopted him though. He should have gotten married to "Six" from Blossom. They could have had a kid named 13.

Six was a great best friend, right up there with Kimmy Gibler from "Full House."

Hmmm, hmmm, that was five minutes of your life you can never get back.

Monday

This portion of today's blog has been prerecorded at an earlier date.

I just saw a commercial for a new episode of "King of Queens." That's still on the air?!

To the boy: Hi. You are great. Bye.

Stooooorm

There's a big storm coming. I updated the barometer blog slightly. That might just be the fourth post of the year!

Friday

Random things:

1. Kurt Vonnegut died. With all the news about Imus, Duke, Anna Nicole, et. al., it's being lost in the shuffle. This is the guy who wrote classics we enjoyed in high school! And he's DEAD! Hmmm...another right-wing conspiracy.

2. It's going to POUR here on Sunday into Monday, they say. One of those storms that just kind of swirls above us. I guess it won't be so bad, as long as we don't have to leave home.

3. I forgot my third random thing. I hate when that happens. Enjoy your weekend!

Photos that have been lingering on my camera

I haven't posted photos in a while, and I have a bunch on my camera. So here they are. And yes this counts as Thursday's entry. I am so ahead of myself!

The Boy joined me recently for another food review...



Meanwhile, someone on a nearby street is really good at fixing up his car...



Lastly, my heart was filled with joy upon seeing some Easter graffiti!

Big hair and malls

There is now a book description on Amazon about the anthology of New Jersey essays that I am in, which will be published in mid-June. Reading it, I am so very proud of my homeland.

From Amazon:

Mobsters. Big hair. The smelly Turnpike. The poor cousin of its glittering neighbor Manhattan. Could that really be all there is to New Jersey?

In Living on the Edge of the World, the best and brightest young writers from the much maligned state answer back with edgy, irreverent pieces of nonfiction paying tribute to New Jersey's unique place in the cultural consciousness.

Like a drive along the Garden State Parkway, their stories travel to just about every corner of the state, from Princeton and Hillside to Camden and Hoboken. In "Straight Outta Garwood," Tom Perrotta writes of the near inescapability of returning to his home state again and again in his novels; in "Exit 15W," Joshua Braff tells how all roads led back to the Jersey Girl he'd fallen for as a seventh-grader; Kathleen DeMarco takes a nostalgic look at her grandfather's cranberry bog in "The Family Farm"; Jonathan Ames recounts a failed attempt to consummate his flirtation with a boardwalk beauty in "Rose of the Jersey Shore"; and Frederick Reiken offers an elegy to a high-rise in Fort Lee that opens his eyes to a new, dangerous world.

A celebration of all that's weird and wonderful about the Garden State -- including Bruce Springsteen, the Nets, the Jersey Devil, the films of Kevin Smith, and Great Adventure -- Living on the Edge of the World will have New Jerseyans everywhere ready to stand and be counted.

Mailbag

Someone wrote in response to yesterday's entry and said that she was planning a shopping trip to get half-off Easter candy, and that it wasn't cringe-worthy; it was thrifty. She is actually quite right! I guess I was just trying to make fun of myself and my eating choices in college.

Anyway, Easter candy has come a long way. Every major candy brand now makes special Easter versions (like Easter mini-Twix and mini Easter Milky Ways), so you can get quite a deal the day after.

So, shop 'til ya drop! I am all for half-off chocolate.

In other news, someone in my writing group has asked that I read her essays that she wants to submit to a contest, so I bid you a good night so I can go read them. (Well, this will actually be posted in the morning, but I am writing it Monday night).

Monday

Sorry I forgot to post Friday. Oh well.

Yesterday was Easter. Happy Easter!

When I was in college and poor, I used to go to the CVS on Walnut Street the day after Easter to take advantage of 50 percent off Easter candy so I'd have junkfood in the apartment. That makes me cringe now. One of my roomies did it too, so it wasn't just me. When you're in college, you have to do what you have to do.

Snow

It's snowing right now, believe it or not. It won't last, but it's cold and it's snowing.

It snows more in March and April these days than it does in November and December.

Today is April 5, and I think in elementary school I had a friend whose b-day was today, but I can't remember who. Oh well. Guess I won't have to go to Toys R Us to buy a Magic 8-Ball or Wheel-O for their party now.

Two links for breakfast

A friend sent me a link she found to a list of definitely rejected wedding songs:

http://www.artofthemix.org/FindAMix/getcontents.asp?strmixid=5823

Here is a story from the Wall Street Journal about deciding if a book is for teens or adults. I'll excerpt some and link to the rest.

Pretty interesting to read even if you're not a writer. It gives examples like To Kill A Mockingbird (teen narrator, but for adults...) and more recently, Prep.

Teen Books Are Hot Sellers, But Formula Isn't Simple
By Jeffrey A. Trachtenberg
The Wall Street Journal
March 30, 2007

Larry Doyle, a former Emmy-winning writer for "The Simpsons" TV series, frequently pens comic pieces for the New Yorker. Although he is 48 years old and has three children, his sensibilities lean to the youthful. So when Mr. Doyle got an idea for a novel, it wasn't a stretch for him to write about being a teenager.

His book "I Love You, Beth Cooper," which will be published May 8 by News Corp.'s Ecco imprint, opens with a nerdy high-school senior giving a graduation speech. He then veers from his prepared text and declares his love for the school's prettiest cheerleader. The 24 hours that follow are either the best or the worst of his life.

"Most of my dreams involve high school or college, along the lines of, 'I forgot to take the midterm,'" Mr. Doyle says. "In this case, I dreamt the opening scene."

But when it came to turning this into a book, Mr. Doyle found that his teenage theme brought with it some difficult choices.

Last April, Mr. Doyle's agent, Sarah Burnes of the Gernert Co., began showing about 100 pages of "Beth Cooper" to publishers -- several geared to adults, but also a dozen "young adult" imprints that court readers 12-to-16 years old.

...determining whether a book should get a young-adult label is more art than science, and brings with it an array of complicated issues for authors, publishers and retailers....

http://209.85.165.104/search?q=cache:0CmUTiJS_1cJ:www.mediainfocenter.org/story.asp%3Fstory_id%3D104773924+Teen+Books+Are+Hot+Sellers,+But+Formula+Isn%27t+Simple&hl=en&ct=clnk&cd=2&gl=us

Writer's life

In case you haven't heard, writing is not always fun. Check out what Ned Vizzini just wrote on his blog:

"I've been a WRECK this week. That book that I've talked so much about abandoning, aborting, etc.--the book that I have to write in order to continue to have a career...It's just all wrong. I don't know if it's salvageable."

I've had those moments. That's why I spend so much time revising and re-revising the beginning of a book before moving on, because I don't want to get to page 100 and say, "Wow, this is awful." But I think it can happen anyway.

But...you know what? I'm sure Ned's book is FINE. They usually are, in the end. Hang in there, Ned. It probably only needs minor adjusting, and it will come to you.

Do you really need to register your cell phone on the Do Not Call registry?

This is from www.donotcall.gov

For Release: February 6, 2007

The Truth about Cell Phones and the Do Not Call Registry

*********Despite Re-Circulating E-mail, It is Still Not Necessary to Register Cell Phone Numbers *************

As the number of phone numbers on the National Do Not Call (DNC) Registry surpassed 139 million, the Federal Trade Commission today reiterated that despite the claims made in e-mails circulating on the Internet, consumers should not be concerned that their cell phone numbers will be released to telemarketers at any time in the near future. In addition, according to the agency, it is not necessary to register cell phone numbers on the DNC Registry to be protected from most telemarketing calls to cell phones.

The truth about cell phones and the DNC Registry is:

Contrary to the e-mail, cell phone numbers are NOT being released to telemarketers, and you will NOT soon be getting telemarketing calls on your cell phone.

There is NO deadline by which you must register your cell phone number on the Registry.

Federal Communications Commission (FCC) regulations prohibit telemarketers from using automated dialers to call cell phone numbers. Automated dialers are standard in the industry, so most telemarketers are barred from calling consumers on their cell phones without their consent.

The national associations representing telemarketers have stated that their clients do not intend to start calling consumers’ cell phones.

There is only ONE DNC Registry. There is no separate registry for cell phones.

The DNC Registry accepts registrations from both cell phones and land lines. You must call from the phone number that you want to register. If you register online, you must respond to a confirmation e-mail.

While the telecommunications industry has been discussing the possibility of creating a wireless 411 directory, according to the FCC, even if a wireless 411 directory is established, most telemarketing calls to cell phones would still be illegal, regardless of whether the number is listed on the federal government’s National Do Not Call Registry.
For More Information

To learn more about the National DNC Registry and the rules that enforce it, visit the FTC at www.ftc.gov or the FCC at www.fcc.gov. For more information about a planned “wireless 411” directory, visit http://www.qsent.com/wireless411.

APRIL FOOL!!!

Had you going there, didn't I?

Wait. You may be asking, "What's the joke?"

The joke is that everything I've ever written in this blog is made up.

I'm really a 90-year-old man living in West Virginia.

And I'm not wearing any underwear.

Rejected wedding songs, part II

Eat My Shorts, by Rick Dees

I peek at you, my stomach turns
I hate your guts
You turn to me and whisper
You're a stupid putz...

Eat my shorts
Yes, choke on polished cotton
Eat my shorts
Everything we have is rotten
Baby, oh baby,
I will see you in court
Eat my shorts

Rejected wedding songs, Part I

"One More Minute" by Al Yankovic
(too bad I'm rejecting this one; it's one of his best)


Well, I heard that you're leavin'
Gonna leave me far behind
'Cause you found a brand new lover
You decided that I'm not your kind

So I pulled your name out of my Rolodex
And I tore all your pictures in two
And I burned down the malt shop where we used to go
Just because it reminds me of you!

That's right, you ain't gonna see me cryin'
I'm glad that you found somebody new
'Cause I'd rather spend eternity eating shards of broken glass
Than spend one more minute with you

I guess I might seem kinda bitter
You got me feelin' down in the dumps
'Cause I'm stranded all alone in the Gas Station of Love
And I have to use the self-service pumps

Oh, so honey, let me help you with that suitcase
You ain't gonna break my heart in two
'Cause I'd rather get a hundred thousand paper cuts on my face
Than spend one more minute with you

Hey, can you feel it?

It was 75 degrees yesterday, with a cool breeze. It made me very excited for summer. I love the change in the seasons.

I used to always vow, every year, "This year, I'm going to have the best summer ever!" Usually, I didn't. Although I did get to see Sugar Ray a few times.

This year, I think my summer really will be great. Last night, I found myself working late and wishing I was outside. But the Boy came and picked me up. He's a great Boy.

On another note, it seems like bulldogs aren't the only ones keeping canine journals and writing with weird doggy accents.

Bulldog brunch

This English bulldog
has written a blog
and I think it's cute
(The blog and the dog)

Microsoft Word 9.0

For some reason, I can't open Microsoft Word. It starts to open and I see the hourglass, but that's where it ends...it freezes permanently at the square screen saying "Microsoft Word" etc. and the hourglass. It doesn't finish opening.

After I try to open word and I ctrl alt delete to get out, it says:

The system is dangerous low in resources!
Would you like to terminate the following application?
Winword [Not responding]

There are no other programs still open, as far as I know, except for Windows.

I accidentally must have pressed something this morning that did it.

So for any of you who really know this stuff (more than what I know)

I deleted Word and reinstalled it, including the Microsoft Works office suite. When it turned itself off and rebooted, it said, as it was rebooting,

Could not upgrade the file from %1 to %2
Windows could not upgrade one or more system files
If Windows fails to start run SETUP again

Windows did start, though. And all my other programs are fine. But I can't start Word or open a program that's in Word (unless I do it as a text file after uninstalling Word).

This all has something to do with Windows Explorer 5.5 but not sure what.


Meg

On another note, thanks to those who said you liked my tribute to Meg the dog! She was a sweetie and I miss her. I wasn't going for any high writing quality (obviously), just writin' about my dawg.

All dogs go to heaven



Megan, May 8, 1985–March 24, 1999 (eight years ago today)

My mom always says that because we had Meg, my family is ruined for other dogs.

This is because of Meg’s emotionalism. If one of us was crying, she always came over and licked our faces to stop the tears. She never wanted any of us to be sad, and she loved it when we hugged her.

When she was a pup, she used to like to pull her head out of her collar and bound around the development so we’d have to chase her. But we were scared that she could get hit by a car. One time, I couldn’t catch her for a while, even by holding out a cookie. I used a last resort: I made sure she was looking. Then I sat on a fallen log and put my head in my hands, pretending to cry. She saw this and came right to me.

We bought her for my brother’s birthday when she was eight weeks old. We went into the pet store and all of her brothers in the pen were jumping up and howling with their black-and-white beagle tails wagging. She stood up and simply wagged for us, looking at us with her big brown almond-shaped eyes.

For the first few months, she was a wily pup who, like most pups, chewed wires and jumped on the couch. I didn’t know much of her personality the first few months. Then, one day, my mother told me, “Megan likes to be hugged.” I didn’t believe it. While she was chewing a toy, I went and put my arms around her. Her tail wagged furiously.

We soon learned that if two members of my family hugged each other in front of Meg, she’d run over and jump up to try to be in the hug, too.

She had the same hobbies as other dogs – sniffing things, eating, sleeping, walking. But she was so loving. She liked to crawl into bed and roll onto her side so I could hug her.

I had her for half my life – we bought her when I was 14, and she died when I was 28. I saw her go through different changes, from a wily puppy who barked at strangers, to a quieter adult dog, to a senior dog who mostly slept all day and took delight in sniffing things outside.

She had a fierce love for my mother, my brother, and me, and knew all our names. We’d say, “Where’s Mommy?” and she’d look at my mom and wag her tail.

Five Meg memories

1. Italian bread: I live on a street with several Italian restaurants and delis. One time, we were half a block into our walk when Meg noticed a looong Italian roll being thrown out on the sidewalk. It was longer than she was, so she wasn’t sure what to do. She licked the middle for a second. Then she lifted the entire roll in her mouth. She turned around to bring it back to the house.

People were laughing as they passed her. Here was a little white beagle carrying a piece of Italian bread that was longer than she was. One man said to her, “Did you fiiiind that? You’re a lucky dog.”

She set it down on my rug, and then turned around to head back outside so we could finish our walk.

2. Thanksgiving: Her favorite holiday was Thanksgiving, as all three of her family members were there. She was always so excited when everyone was together, that she would even wag in her sleep. One year, we filled her bowl with turkey first, so she wouldn’t bother us while we were eating. When we finally sat down to eat, my mother said, “Look” and pointed to Meg’s bowl. The bowl was already empty and Meg was sprawled on the floor next to it, snoozing.

3. Sitting in the park: I always thought Meg had a good sense of humor. Occasionally she needed to be walked at 2 or 3 a.m. I’d tiredly stroll through the local park in the moonlight while she took her time. As we walked out of the park, she’d suddenly sit down on the grass and stare up at me, as if to ask if she could stay and play in the park. I would say, “You’re funny, Meg!”
If I occasionally gave in and sat down next to her for a few minutes, she’d give me a big wag.

4. Fat tush under the bed: When she was a very small puppy, she would run under the bed to hide. When she grew older, she never quite grasped the concept of having gotten much bigger and fatter. When she wanted to hide, she would still run for the bed, but she would get stuck halfway in, with her big fat tush sticking out.

5. Are you my mother? One time, my mother was staying with me at my apartment. In the morning, she left to go to work. An hour later, I took Meg for a walk, and she saw a woman who looked like my mother. I saw her too: She had the same profile, same walk, and was wearing the kind of long dress my mother likes to wear. Because Meg started wagging and walking toward the woman, I knew Meg thought it was my mom.

As soon as Meg got up to the woman – who looked very confused – she realized it wasn’t my mother and stopped wagging.

The woman looked at me questioningly.

I explained to her, “You look like her mommy. I mean, my mother. We saw her today.”

I wonder if it’s an insult to tell someone that they look like your dog’s mother.

Lifecycle

It's odd to be with someone for their whole life, to see them grow from an infant, to an adult, to a senior. She really matured through the years.

People used to actually come up to me on the street and say, “Look at that faaaaaace!” Sometimes they just would look at her and say, “Faaaace.”

She got cancer, as most dogs do sooner or later. It amazes me that she’s been gone for eight years, because it doesn’t seem that long. Maybe that’s because she was in my life for so long.

But for almost fourteen years, she had a wonderful, fulfilling life full of hugs and adventures. She enjoyed rides in the car, sniffing other dogs, and most importantly, being loved, and giving a lot of love in return.

The day after she died, I had a dream. In the dream, she was running really quickly and leaping over 12-foot fences. In her last few months alive, she couldn't do much running.

I told my mom about my dream. "She was running so fast," I said, "and jumping so high."

My mom said, "Maybe she is."

Megan is now buried in a beautiful pet cemetery alongside other fiercely loved pets, even the smallest ones. Clearly she's in good company.

Combonym d'jour

A reader, Michael, sent this combonym in:

Cuzband. What you get when a woman marries her cousin.

That reminds me that on "Married With Children," Al once said that the theme for the county where his wife grew up was "Nothing says lovin' like marrying your cousin."

Trivia

Trivia went well tonight and was relatively crowded. A special thank you to the "veterans" who came out tonight after a while of absence from trivia! That means Blerg, J.C., the Mets fan, travel-writer guy, and anyone I'm forgetting.

Jon B. was an excellent co-host.

I got myself into a bit of trouble when people disputed my visual round twice. They thought my photo of a greyhound was actually a whippet, and that my Scottish Terrier was really a "West Highland White Terrier." They said that a West Highland Terrier IS a Scottish Terrier. Maybe it's true; I don't know. But I had to make a quick executive decision. Half the room wanted me to decide one way, and half the other way.

So if you ever host trivia, make sure you have your answers right, because drunk smart people can get really bloodthirsty!

Update: I see the confusion. These breeds look similar. However, a West Highland White Terrier has shorter ears than the Scottish terrier I had pictured. So my decision was correct.

Whew, I can sleep better tonight.

What a drag it is getting old

Things I can't eat now -- most of which I could eat as a kid

1. Ice cream (unless I take a lactose pill with it)
2. A big wad of fresh wet mozzarella (ditto)
3. Chinese food with MSG
4. Too much stuff with asparteme. A little is okay. But yesterday I drank sugar free fruit punch and had something else, I forget what, but it didn't help. (Actually Asparteme/Equal wasn't available when I was a kid, but.)
5. Probably more stuff someday. Drat.

Things I used to eat a lot as a kid that I don't bother eating now

1. Sugar cereal (I like it but I don't eat bkfst at home too often)
2. Hot dogs (no thanks)
3. Donuts (not good for me)
4. Peanut butter & jelly sandwiches (although I had one last week - that felt good!)
5. Yoo-Hoo

Things I ate because my mother made me, that I'd never eat again if I can help it

1. Canned vegetables
2. Chicken roll sandwiches (gross)
3. Rye bread with seeds
4. Omlettes with onions. I like onions, but not in eggs
5. Meatloaf

Things my mother lied to get me to eat

1. "Girl Scout spaghetti." (It was really green spaghetti made from spinach!!)

Aha

This person can't live without Carrie Pilby. It's lucky I wrote it because I wouldn't have wanted her to die!

I talked to Superagent who said she thinks CP is my freshest book. She wants me to write another book that's fresh and original someday. I'm working on two things. Hopefully one of them will capture people's hearts. Or minds. Or wallets. Yeah, yeah. It's all about the benjamins, yo.

(Disclaimer: I'm kidding about that. I do care about my characters and their integrity.)

I am hosting trivia this evening (Tuesday), 7:30, Baggott Inn, NYC. That might be my last co-hosting for a while. Not forever, but for quite a while.

I picked a wedding date. My wedding date will be...

(wait for it)

The Boy!

Random thing I thought of

I'm working on teen books, so I'm allowed to remember junior high memories like this one...

When I was in eighth grade, my family moved to a wealthier town than we'd ever lived in before. It was a huge New Jersey farm town with mansions and country clubs. The school system was one of the best in the state, which was why my mom liked it. We found an old house in the only non-new development in town, the only part of town we could afford, and moved in.

The kids at my new school talked about which company their dads owned, and only wore Guess jeans. I had always had a few friends in any school I lived in, even if we were all geeks. But in this new school, I had none.

So anyway, something happened there that really made me laugh - because it showed how popularity worked.

There was a kid in my homeroom named Bill Jakorsky. Bill was unpopular. But he was still more popular than I was (who wasn't?)

One day, we had a pep rally. After it, we all went back to homeroom.

Bill Jakorsky came up to me and demanded: "Caren, did you cheer?"

I thought he was asking if I was a cheerleader, just to make fun of me. So I said, "No." Because of course I wasn't a cheerleader.

Then I realized that he just meant, did I cheer for our teams. I wanted to correct what I'd said. But it was too late. I got a sinking feeling as he ran to report me to a popular girl in the class named Rachel.

"Rachel," Bill said. "Caren didn't cheer."

Rachel looked at him and said, "Who gives a shit whether she cheered or not?"

Hee hee. It wasn't that she cared about me at all, it was that she didn't care about what Bill had to say, either. I took satisfaction in that.

I just think it's funny that even the unpopular kids in a junior high will try to pick on someone less popular than they are, to score points with the popular crowd. And it always backfires.

Sorry, Bill. ;)

That was the week that was

I took off most of this past week to work on various teen novels. My goal for the main one was to get up to 50 pages done, and I did! (I already knew where I wanted to go with it.)

It's a fun book (for ages 10-14 I think) and not as complicated as some of the other stuff I've tried to write. So we'll see.

I also got various other errands done and still had time to pretend to care about basketball when The Boy had it on (ha ha, just kidding honey).

This space has been left intentionally blank.

Trivia! Trivia! Trivia!!

I'm co-hosting Tuesday Night Trivia at the Baggott Inn on Tuesday with the excellent co-host Jon B. So come and play!

Thank you.

Blogger

I have several good excuses for being a bad blogger this week. I am going to have guest bloggers Charlie Brown and Lucy blog the reasons for me:

Wah wah, wah-wah,
wah-wah
wah wah wah!

Ah, now you know.

Seriously, nothing's wrong, just busy. Have a fun day!

Lose an hour

Spring ahead! It's time to set your clocks forward in the wee hours tonight.

I forgot to blog yesterday. So... B.T.G.I.F.

Random writerly things

From Publisher's Weekly:

Granta announced their second list of the 21 best American writers under age 35 (though 5 were born outside the US) last night. They picked: Daniel Alarcon; Judy Budnitz; Kevin Brockmeier; Christopher Coake; Anthony Doerr; Jonathan Safran Foer; Nell Freudenberger; Olga Grushin; Dara Horn; Gabe Hudson; Uzodinma Iweala; Nicole Krauss; Rattawut Lapcharoensap; Yiyun Li; Maile Meloy; ZZ Packer; Jess Row; Karen Russell; Akhil Sharma; Gary Shteyngart; and John Wray.

Personnel NewsRyan Fischer-Harbage has launched The Fischer-Harbage Agency, specializing in fiction, narrative nonfiction, memoir, and health. He was an agent at Vigliano Associates.

Here it comes again

As you know, one of my pet peeves about writing is when I'm working on something, and I found out that another book or movie is coming out with a similar plot.

But that's not always the kiss of death - everyone has a different take on a certain plot.

I just saw this on Barnes & Noble.com about a new novel:

Nothing much happens in the sleepy town of Sterling, New Hampshire. That is, until a quiet, troubled student comes to high school with an arsenal of guns and starts shooting, changing the lives of everyone inside the classroom and out. The daughter of the judge sitting on the case is the state's best witness — but she can't remember what happened in front of her own eyes. Or can she? Tackling fundamental issues like what it means to be different in our society, Nineteen Minutes is bestselling author Jodi Picoult's most raw, honest, and important novel yet.

There have already been numerous novels and movies about school shootings, some because of Columbine, and some before it. But I guess that this doesn't stop an author with her own ideas about telling the story. Just something to remember.

Other blogs

I have nothing much to say today, but here are some links of interest.

Fellow writer Wes seems to have been stirring up some controversy with a post about race and Raven.

The 'Lesb*an bad dater' seems to have it much worse dating than everyone I have ever met - poor girl.

Monday, Monday

Happy Monday!

I love pie. This is a really good place for pie. The Boy was nice enough to help me go get pie here. Yay.

Someday I will write about how much I love newspapers (even though my job can get me pretty stressed as well). When I was about 12, I knew I wanted to write a book someday, and I also knew that it wasn't easy to do. So I still had to decide what I wanted to be when I grew up. Then one day I was at a doctor's appointment and saw, in the distance, a long trail of black smoke. It was over the farmy areas of Freehold. I wanted to know if it was a fire, where it was, what it was...and it occurred to me that a good career would be journalism, because of my desire to understand things and because I loved to write. And thus a career was born.

Thanks

A reader from Pennsylvania has "tweaked" my photo.

And then....




Sally in Minnesota couldn't resist, either. It must have to do with her being stuck in a foot of snow today.

Now folkz, stop futzing with my fotoz and get back to work! Have a great weekend.

T.G.I.F.!!

A few people have recently posted their stories about coming to New York, and how they've changed since then. Here's a writer I know who is finally leaving the city.

By the time you read this, it's supposed to be POOOOURing out. Enjoy!

Clueless

When I was little, I used to hate when TV shows or kids' books would use terms that showed that they were out of touch with modern elementary schools.

For instance, a lot of them would be about a character in the fifth or sixth grade and talk about the "semester," when in fact, many elementary schools have "marking periods" or "quarters" and not semesters. It was as if the authors forgot that because they hadn't been in school so long.

Or on the SATs, a character would say he got 1367 or similar nonsense, when all modern SAT scores end in zero.

Anyway, since I plan to write some teen stuff, I was thinking about a "junior high" in my book, and it occurred to me that the phrase "junior high" is not used much anymore. Most schools seem to be called middle schools and intermediate schools.

I put the question out to the young-adult writing e-mail listserve that I'm on yesterday, and most of the writers said that yeah, there are very few "junior high schools" anymore. Plus, there are few schools that are just 7th and 8th grade. Now a lot of them go 6-8 or 7-9. Most schools are "middle schools" now.

I'm sort of glad that I got to stay in my elementary school through sixth grade. It gets a little scary in junior high. Familiarity is comforting when you're little.

Hey, maybe that's why kids today are growing up faster, because 11-year-olds are being stuck with 13-year-olds and all their gonads!

Hmmm

Could there possibly be a less appetizing name for dog food than "Science Diet"?

Yes! Yessss!

Junot Diaz' long-awaited second novel is finally coming out next fall. However, it's coming out the day after Labor Day weekend, which is a terrible time for books. People are going back to school and are consumed with their school duties. Parents are consumed with their kids' school duties. People bought books all summer long for their vacations and are done with pleasure-reading for a while.

However, since it's been 10 years since Diaz' first book, an easy-to-read but stil literary short story compendium, DROWN, made a big splash (ha ha), the new book is likely to make waves (ho ho). Part of it appeared in the New Yorker several years ago and was great.

I also was in Diaz' journalism class in high school, which is a story I will tell, well, probably never, but it was interesting.

Monday Mailbag

(posted so late today, it's almost Tuesday!)

From C in Kansas:

They wouldn't put the "h" there if they didn't want us to pronounce [vehicle], would they? And it IS an alternate pronunciation in my dictionary. So.... how do you guys pronounce things like "vehicular homicide?" No "h" in vehicular? Sure, you can mention it on your blog. Just be sure to include my Kansas twang. :-)

From Sally in MN:

Finally, snow forecast for MN - we're talking a foot or more, possibly. New "Snowplows are out" photo at my blog.
Okay, I thought of a combonym:
When your bra straps keep falling down or the undewire is poking you, you've got a "brablem."
Yesterday I was having brablems galore.
Take care!
Sally

From Dymocks, the official bookseller of Australia, where the Carrie Pilby cover was really great (but unfortunately I only have two of that version at home, so I tried to order more):

Dear C----,
This is an update to your Dymocks Online order DYMXXXX. The publisher of Carrie Pilby(ISBN:0733545548) advises that this book is no longer in print, and thus is not available. We have cancelled this item from your order, and apologise for any inconvenience caused.
The following is a list of all items in your Order and the current details
TITLE: Carrie Pilby PRICE: $16.32 QTY: 3 STATUS: Cancelled-Out of Print---------------------------------------Please note all prices indicated are in Australian dollars

Oh fudge.

Random thing I just remembered from elementary school

It's sixth grade, Mrs. Shaak's class. She's teaching us spelling. The next word is "vehicle." She says, "You don't pronounce the 'H'. You don't say ve-HICle, right?"

This girl, Dawn, says, "On the Dukes of Hazzard they do."

The teacher says, "Well, you shouldn't listen to how the Dukes of Hazzard pronounce it."

Just another case of '80s television ruining our minds.

Happy Friday!!!

Thursday

I guess yesterday's photos were actually taken in fall, since the leaves are falling from the trees, but they look like fresh spring leaves so maybe not.

I hosted trivia with The Boy on Tuesday night. He did an excellentamundo job! Also, I am pleased to see that in its fourth year, Tuesday Night Trivia is still going strong. With our talented co-hosts there every week, it practically runs itself.

In other notes, it's warm out. I feel like spring is coming already. A bad idea to get hopes up, though. The weather has been erratic lately.

In writing news, I gave my novel to my agent about a month ago. I checked in about 10 days ago and she said she hadn't gotten to it yet. This isn't unusual. I'll just wait and see what suggestions she has.

I'm not going to start anything new writing for quite a while. But I have a few ideas. No matter what I write, I know this: I want the next book I publish to be a book that you will sink into an easy chair with, sipping hot tea, your feet up in slippers, surrounded by shelves full of other books you have enjoyed in wintry days of the past. I want it to be a book that you are happy to have found, whose main character you'd like to have a conversation with, a book you are glad to spend a day with.

Photos

Too busy to write today, so here are some random photos I found in my photo files that I liked...from New York, one or two springs ago.

It's the least...wonderful time...of the yearrrr



Tax time. (Bleah.)

(note: the scribbles you see on the screen are to protect sensitive/boring information.)

The 'Killer App'

I always wondered what "Killer App" meant. It was a phrase I used to hear in the 1980s: businesses wanted to find the "killer app."

After heavy reserach (clicking Wikipedia), I learned that a "killer app[lication]" would be a computer program that is so important that all other programs, software, etc. would have to be compatible with it. It would have a deep impact on our culture. Microsoft Word is a bit like that. Know anyone these days whose computer uses WordPerfect? Nope. All manufacturers eventually bowed to the superior Word format.

I think the next "Killer App" may involve dating sites.

I have racked my brain on occasion for dating insights to give friends (although I of course am far from an expert), but it seems like any generalizations I try to offer tend to fall flat because there are too many exceptions. I know some people who hate on-line dating, but it works for others. I know some girls who meet only guys who are jerks, but there are nice guys out there, too. I know nice guys who only meet jerky girls, but of course, most of my female friends are very nice.

It just takes a while to meet the right person, and unfortunately, that can involve making yourself vulnerable and putting yourself out there over and over again. It can mean telling someone intimate details of your life as you get to know them, and not having it go anywhere in the end. It can also end up truly wonderfully, but it can mean getting hurt beforehand during the process, unless you meet the love of your life when you are 14.

Internet dating is a modern phenomenon. Only a few years ago, people thought it was creepy, but now it's something that many people try. It can be hard for shy people to advertise themselves, though...but they have to do it. And then we all find out the inevitable: Someone may seem different on the internet than they do in person, etc., etc.

This doesn't make internet dating a failure, because there are all those possibilities in other forms of dating as well.

Anyway, my point is...people are constantly trying to invent the "killer" dating site. In the New York region, there are match, jdate, eHarmony, and nerve...and some less-popular ones. They all have their plusses and minuses. But I know that people are trying to look at the minuses and figure out an improved way to meet.

I recently heard of a website that invites groups of friends to meet each other at events, so there isn't as much one-on-one pressure. The idea is that people will eventually get to know each other through groups of friends, and then pair off if they find someone they like. I also know someone who tried to take the pressure off by starting a site called "nodating" where people just hang out without the pressure of having to act like it's a dating event. Of course, if they HAPPENED to meet, then...

Yes, knowing you are SUPPOSED to meet someone at an event adds pressure. So if someone comes up with a killer dating site that reduces some of the potential for disappointment (is that possible?), makes it seem less contrived, and uses all the positive aspects of meeting through friends and that sort of thing, it could go over well. Of course, everyone is human, so there's really no way to take out the risks or chances. But I know that people are still trying to figure out a better formula. If someone does, that person will become VERY rich caballero.

And anyway, that's one of the things that was going through my brain before V-Day...the fact that someone who creates a really really popular dating site -- whoever that person is -- will be building a sort of "killer app."

Belated V-Day

Too busy for the "Killer App" post I was gonna write - so, tomorrow maybe. But here's something V-Day related. This guy wants to love you. Why is the article so focused on sex though? Not that I had time to read past the first page, but geez, this guy gets more play than most people.