There are apparently even more things you're not supposed to give your dog. Scroll down. How did my dog even live 14 years?
MDS writes: i check your blog from time to time and noticed yesterday's entry about foods that can kill your dog. you can add onions, chocolate and dairy (most dogs are lactose intolerant) to the list as well.
Woke up, put on clothes, went to work.

Imagine if the internet had been slower to get invented. How would our lives be different right now? It's only been about seven years since most of us had e-mail (that's the year when AOL went from hourly to monthly pricing and a whole bunch more people started getting accounts.) Would you have a different job, different friends, be in a different place today? Scary, eh?


Woke up, put on clothes, went to work.

Grapes, raisins, or macademia nuts can kill your dog, even in small quantities! I got an e-mail saying that, then looked on the web, and it's true.


Woke up, put on clothes, went to work.

Last night's winning trivia team name: "People who live in glass houses...should not live near Billy Joel."

Some fans of romance novels are discussing Starting from Square Two and chick lit in general.


Woke up, put on clothes, went to work.


Woke up, put on clothes, didn't go to work.


Woke up, put on clothes, didn't go to work.

The screenplays have gone to someone else in the biz. I realized that one of these scripts is something I've been working on for SEVEN years. Of all my projects, there are three stories that have been so deeply ingrained that from time to time, something would remind me of them and it would bug me that I hadn't finished and gotten them out. This script is one of the unsinkable three (its first incarnation was a failed novel). Now it's nearly out there. This is a real relief.


Thanks to Lori for passing this on: http://www.bananaguard.com/
Woke up, put on clothes, went to work.


Woke up, put on clothes, went to work.

A few people have asked me lately how to write a good query letter to catch an editor's or agent's attention. Here's a sample I concocted.

Dear Ms. Editor,

I'm enclosing the first three chapters of my recently completed comedic novel, UGLY IN PINK. I'm a big fan of Page Books, and I think my book would be perfect for your line.

UGLY IN PINK is a dark comedy about a not-so-great-looking 26-year-old female who goes to a Halloween party disguised as a mermaid and meets the man of her dreams - except, she has to keep dressing like a mermaid every time she dates him to satisfy his fetish. She also has an angry parrot who talks back to her and a father who runs a religious cult.

I was a journalism major at Catatonic State University and have written short stories for some time, although I work full-time as a hair dresser. My novel is approximately 310 pages.

If you would like to see the rest of UGLY IN PINK, please e-mail me at publishmeplease@desperate.com or call me at (212) 555-5555, or feel free to send a note in the enclosed stamped envelope.


Woke up, put on clothes, went to work.


J.K., future best-selling author, writes: Ms. Pac Man has four different mazes, but Pac Man only has one. I
think that's subliminally why people like it more...

Yeah, yeah, I knew there had to be more. And plus, the mazes are pretty!

This case is adjourned.
Dan writes: I believe your predilection for Ms. Pac-man over Pac-man is rooted not in its aesthetic offerings, but in a deeply-entrenched feminist mindset that is found in bourgeois strata. It is my contention that, if you really had your way, you would spearhead a campaign to rename Ms. Pac-man “Ms. Pac-myn”. I’m sure you believe that the heavy use of symbols such as fruit in Ms. Pac-man only perpetuates the anti-feminist (i.e., Neanderthal) stereotype that the “fairer sex” prefers girly-things like fruit, while Mr. Pac-man fights off scarier monsters. It’s a game, for God’s sake. Just let it go.

Woke up, put on clothes, went to work.

I was pondering why it is that I like playing Ms. Pac-Man better than Pac-Man. I concluded that it's largely because the colors are prettier, less harsh, and brighter. So basically, the marketing geniuses who came up with altering it for girls were absolutely right. So what, though? Also, the fruit bounces around rather than staying in one place. Whatever. I can't help being a girl.


Woke up, put on clothes, went to work.

Whew - just in time!


Woke up, didn't go to work.

The birds were singing sweetly this morning at 5:50 a.m.

It's going to be a beautiful day in the neighborhood.


Woe cup, p.u. ton close, Wendt awe rk.


Woke up.
Put on clothes.
Went to work.


Woke up, put clothes on, went to work.


Woke up, put clothes on, went to work.


Anyone who thinks the "chick lit" trend in publishing must be nearing the end should take a look at the books that are still selling each week. This is from the weekly roundup of Publisher's Lunch, meaning it just sold:

"Random House editorial assistants Anne Dayton and May Vanderbilt's first novel EMILY EVER AFTER, about a young woman who works as an editorial assistant for the largest publishing company in the world, and her efforts to find career satisfaction and a fulfilling relationship, even as her faith and values are tested by the temptations of life in NYC, to Trace Murphy at Doubleday to be published in conjunction with WaterBrook Press, by Claudia Cross at Sterling Lord Literistic."
This morning's e-mail:

Dear Friend,
I am Anthony Adams, a project manager with the FEDERAL MINISTRY OF WORKS AND HOUSING (FMWH). I obtained your email from the internet, while searching for a reliable person, who could assist us in receiving kick-backs funds from contractors awarded contracts executed under the current budgetary allocation for NDDC. These bills had been approved for payment by the concerned ministry.

I wrote back and told him that kick backs are illegal. Maybe he should have used the word "Commissions"...
Woke up, put on clothes, went to work.

Howard Stern said this morning that George Bush should have known about the 2001 attacks. "He ignores evidence...like the OJ Jury," he said. (Or something similar.)


Oh yeah, woke up (late), put on clothes.
Since the people who normally do the Friday Five questions haven't done them today, Valerie has posted some of her own that are pretty interesting. Take a look.
Oh. Friends have apprised me that ClearChannel only owns a few of the stations that Stern is on. Infinity owns more than 100. So he'll still be on those...for now.
Here's the link to my mainpage, with info about my novels.
ClearChannel Communications has dropped Howard Stern after being fined $495,000 by the FCC. This is a pretty big deal...I guess since this happened less than 24 hours ago, no one is reporting as of this moment what it actually means -- is he off all the radio stations he was on? Are they all owned by ClearChannel? Will he be on K-Rock Monday morning? It'll be interesting to see.
I finished reading the book. Someone told me there was a twist ending so I had to read the whole thing at once.


Woke up, put on clothes. Now I will read a book.


Woke up, put on clothes.







Two men in the last two weeks have guiltily confessed to me that they like the new Britney Spears song ("Toxic"). Hey, it's a neat song.

Yesterday I went to the Happy Ending reading series to hear Kyle Smith ("Love Monkey") and two other readers. Smith's book excerpt was very funny. The big surprise was a great band that kicked it off, The M Word, which has a drummer who plays a garbage can and cymbals with energy that no mere mortal should possess. I was very impressed. And they did all early-'80s songs, which was great.
Thanks for all the "mazel tov" e-mails. And someone suggested "She's having my baby" as the wedding song.

In all seriousness, I did get this e-mail with the subject head "From Paris.":

I just find your blog... I like this recurring thing
Woke up, put clothes on, went to work
+ are your book already translated into french ?
Woke up, went to work, put on clothes.

Just got back from an all-night toga party so hard to blog today.

Can you believe it's supposed to snow 10 inches later?

I have to go set my radio for Bush's speech at noon...sources say it might be a resignation. If Cheney goes, too, who becomes president? I can't remember from history class.

I'm working on a novel about a bunch of codes hidden in the works of Eminem. His initials are supposed to conjure Mary Magdalene, and if you look at the tattoos on his arm, you see three of the Apostles. Also, every fourth letter in his lyrics spells out "Is there no hope for the cokehead's son."

Please do me a favor and add yourself to my enemies list at www.EnemySter.com.

The Anonymous Blogger and I are getting married tonight.

Happy April Phule's Day to one and all.