9/02/2008

What are your thoughts?

Here are the first few paragraphs of a novel I'm almost done revising. Please read what's below as you might read the beginning of any novel, and e-mail me if anything good or bad jumps out at you!! Impressions are important. I need to know what a normal person would think if they read this as the first page of a novel. Having lost all objectivity (due to reading this a zillion times), I'd love any feedback.

One request: Please read it once as you would any book you'd open up, rather than going back and looking ten times - what I'm more interested is how it strikes you when you read it. The way you'd read any book.

If something seems off as you're casually reading it, I'd love to know.

I'm grateful for ANY feedback. If you want more specifics, I am interested in things like:

If anything jumps out at you or bothers you (word repetition, error, etc)
What you like/ don't like/ believe about the main character
What makes you interested or not interested...
Any other impressions you'd get if you started off a novel this way.
Thanks in advance!!

E-mail me here when you can. OK, see below (character's name has been changed)

Ian Green had a feeling as soon as his senior year of high school started that something unusual was going to happen that year.
Of course, the first day of school always carried a newness and optimism that didn’t compare with anything else. On those mornings, the September air would crush under his ears like a barely perceptible whisper, the buses would start and stop outside, and the football field at school would smell of damp mud and fresh grass.
But on the first day of Ian’s senior year, something was different the moment the day started.
That morning, he awoke at 5:30 a.m. and couldn’t fall back to sleep. The temperature seemed to have changed from sweltering to cool overnight. The scent of burning leaves swirled in through his second-story window.
This year, he thought, his blood getting riled as he took an icy breath, is going to be different.
He decided to do what he’d debated doing for the last few days of summer vacation.
In the dark, he sat on the edge of his bed and pulled on his socks and sweat clothes. In front of the bright mirror in the bathroom, he put in his contact lenses, over his green eyes. He had inherited those eyes from his father, his mother said – as well as his huge shoulders, his height, and his stocky frame. His father had played high school football and now Ian did too, although it wasn’t how he defined himself.
He crept past his mother’s room and down the stairs. He stepped outside under the purple porchlight, ignoring the freshly delivered Sentinel, which he normally read.
Ian stood for a minute, watching the bands of red and purple light emerge behind the old farmhouse across the county road. His friends constantly said they couldn't wait to leave south Delaware, but he thought there were things to admire if you looked.
Then he was off.
He sprinted to the bank of metal mailboxes on the corner, turned east, and jogged the mile up the county road to Clover Dell High School, two hours before the small brick building was to open. Ahead of him the sky pinkened.
As he ran, his dark hair flopped over his forehead. His shoulders pressed down on his 5-foot-11 frame. He gunned his arms, forced his knees up, filled his lungs with sweet air until they were ready to burst. It felt wonderful to be up before anyone else was, pushing his body like that.

Okay, you've read it...how do you feel? What do you think? E-mail me here. THANKS!

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