Love

In the Sunday Times Styles section every week, they have a column called "Modern Love." This week's story is from a woman whose friend Tina kept pining for her ex-boyfriend, Marcus. Marcus was wonderful and Tina could never get over him, but he broke up with her twice to travel or pursue projects or do whatever, and she told him the second time never to contact her again. Then, Tina told the author that Marus had just e-mailed her. He told her he would always love her, never stopped thinking about her, etc. He didn't ask her to come back, though. So she didn't respond.

As the author of this piece points out, it's quite possible that Tina was doing the right thing by ignoring Marcus, as much as she loved him. Yet, Tina always talked about him. The author finally meddled in Tina's business by phoning Marcus and telling him how Tina really felt about him. Eventually Marcus got back together with Tina...and they got married!

I bring this up because you just never know what can happen in life and love, especially when you're young, and there are no hardfast rules. Sometimes people have a great relationship in college or when they're in their early 20s, but there's something missing or something wrong, and they don't know if they should break it off and hope for something better (after all, they have a lot of dating years ahead), or accept the shortcomings and make an effort to stick it out.

There is no right answer to that. The couple can get married, and one or both of them might meet someone who is much better for them and regret it. Or, they might break up and realize how hard it is to find another kindred soul, and realize they should have gotten married.

The book "He's Just Not That Into You" would have told Tina in this tale that a guy who breaks up with her twice is not treating her well enough. In most cases, that's true. If someone wants to be with you, even if they need to work on their projects, they're not going to dump you. And chasing after them doesn't change their mind. But in this case, this couple broke up twice and ended up married.

The only thing that sometimes helps people make decent decisions about love is time. You know a lot more in your 30s about how you relate to other people, and what dating is like, than when you're 22. But sometimes, the opportunities are fewer. What to do?

How can you be 22 and forecast what's ahead? If you're really in love with someone, or really being treated badly by someone, the answers to what you should do are obvious...but if it's not that cut and dried, it can be hard to figure out.

Anyway, that's just something I was thinking about. Sometimes missed opportunities and regrets are harder to deal with than things that simply didn't work out. But you can't always know until later what the outcome will be.

(By the way, the woman in the piece was not really named Tina, but I left the paper at the coffee shop so I don't remember what her name was. It was probably a fake name in the story anyway.)

And now....

This has nothing to do with that, but I had to share it from my recent Sopranos viewing because it's funny:

Tony Soprano: We're the f--- have you been? You're late!

Christopher: Sorry, the highway was jammed with broken heroes on a last-chance power drive.