Light blogging

Blogging will be light over the next few days as I work on a top secret project.



inept self-portrait

Random other stuff

I have a story in the Daily News today. (No, that's not my secret project.)

I think we will get a big snowstorm early next week.

It's really annoying that the word "Nazi" is in "Ashkenazi."

Recently

Recently, on two consecutive days, I wrote two consecutive blog entries about things that happened on two consecutive days.

Just overheard outside my window

GIRL: [Sarcastically] Oh, it's not your fault! It's not your fault you didn't mention me! It's not your fault that nobody knew my name! [couldn't hear] ...girlfriend!

GUY: IT'S FUCKING PART OF THE BUSINESS WORLD!!

Why publishing is horrible

Well, of course it isn't! To be a writer, and know that there's a chance that you can bring people into the crazy world that's in your head...and to take things you find beautiful or strange or poignant and explore them and record them on paper...that is a true privilege.

But here are some other things that happen:

1. The books you love the most don't sell, and the ones you care about less do because they are more marketable.

2. You are thrilled one day because you think you finally have your manuscript where you want it, and then you read it again 24 hours later and your heart drops because it's awful.

3. You can't read anything you've written anymore because you've read it so many times.

4. You bring stuff to your writers' group and they say nothing helpful.

5. You bring stuff to your writers' group and they say, "Who's the audience?"

6. You are deciding between two directions to go in your story, and you're alone, and are not sure which one to take, and you don't want to do the hours of work until you know, but there is not a soul you can ask who will have the "right" answer, except maybe your agent, who has to market the thing, but you can't keep e-mailing your busy agent just because your toe hurts. Besides, you remember the other 9,000 times you were at this crossroads and you overcame it on your own. But it still feels sucky and you need to put in eight hours to figure it out. You might even need to write out and explore both ways...

7. You are a young writer in your early 20s (this is not my experience, don't worry) who gets 'discovered' and told all kinds of great things by your publishing company about how they will market you, and you just can't stand waiting until your book comes out because you will become famous. You are sure they will send you on tour and readers love you and quote you...and then the book comes out and it's just really really quiet. And you find out you have to do a lot of publicity yourself. And this thing you worked so hard for, that's nearly a miracle to happen, still means you're one of two million authors on Amazon.

8. You give a friend your writing and he tells you to go see some movie or read some book to make yours more like that one.

9. You hear about some kid who sold a novel just on a proposal, when meanwhile the rest of the world actually has to write the book first, and you just don't get it.
10. There is no number 10.
I'm sure this list makes you think I feel really bitter tonight or something, but I assure you that I'm NOT. I just figured it'd be interested to look at the downside.

Oh, I have a # 10 now...

10. You might get a cover that doesn't look like what you want to evoke with the book (note to my publisher if you are reading this: This is just a generic list, not a personal complaint. I promise - it's a common writerly complaint.)

Oh. #11

11. You have to worry every day that something will happen in the world that makes your manuscript irrelevant or unmarketable, or someone will do something too similar and make yours unsalable.

etc.

That said...

By the way, I will have stories in two anthologies coming out late this summer (close to fall). There seems to be some kind of anthology trend now. One piece is a short story, and one is a childhood reminiscene.

Toothless people

Tonight a homeless couple got on the subway train and told a sad but very unlikely story in order to get money. It seemed pretty ridiculously untrue to me. However, they both had really bad teeth, and didn't look like they were in great shape, so I gave them a buck anyway. Even if they're drug addicts, being a drug addict is hard work. Plus, drugs are expensive.

Im polite

A few weeks ago, there were two days in a row where people told me that they tried to give me a kiss on the cheek and I turned away. Well, I wasn't really aware of it in either case. My head was probably just in the clouds, or I just thought they were only giving me a hug. So don't feel bad! I wasn't paying attention. Gosh.

Pilbescence

Last week, two random people on consecutive days wrote to tell me that they liked Carrie Pilby. And then I got my first new Amazon review in months on it. I wonder why it goes in phases. Maybe people had more time to read last week? Maybe it was reviewed on someone's website recently? Who knows?

...Also, if you're one of the people who agreed to read some of the new book and comment, and you didn't get it yet, I only sent out some of them and will send the rest in a day or two.

If you already have it, please give me all thoughts you have. Some people act afraid, or they say, "You're such a good writer and I'm just a reader and maybe you have some brilliant reason for doing such-and-such..." but my rough drafts are rarely brilliant until I get feedback. If you find yourself uninterested in a character, or there's a plot point that gives too much away or doesn't interest you, tell me all that. Basically, I want to know what makes you less interested in reading further. And tell me if you have any ideas on how to fix it. If enough people say the same thing, then it's even more valuable advice.

Believe me, I can't see the book the way a reader sees it at first glance. I'm helpless without you, darlings! Give it to me straight!

If you're worried about being too "mean," then also tell me what you like. There there.
I'd rather you be mean now, then editors be mean and reject the book.

We got yer responses right here

Your idea of a homeless reality show has been touched on. A&E has a show called "Random 1" where a team goes out to help people, very often homeless people. They do what they can, clean them up, help find them jobs, or drug problem, or whatever it is they need to give them a leg up. It was on last year, not sure if it's still around.

And think of the pizza delivery tips like this.. a waitress may bring your food from across the room. A pizza delivery guy has to fight traffic (in his own car most times) and arrive in half an hour or less (lest the pizza be free), and has to pay his own car insurance for the privilege. So who deserves the bigger tip? Plus, just what is it worth to you to have the pizza delivered rather than you drive and pick it up yourself? Go for that 20% for the pizza guy.

Aloha, Sam

Yes, Sam, but someone else wrote and said that deliverers earn more than waitresses. Hmmm.

More random thoughts

1. I think the Sopranos cast is cursed.

2. How much are you supposed to tip food delivery people these days? Is it supposed to be a dollar or two for a pizza, or is it 15-20 percent just like waiters and other folks? Anyone know?

3. It's pretty easy to get sick of your winter clothes by this time of year.

4. Why haven't they done any reality shows with the homeless? Those folks are the ones who really need the boost. I don't mean shows to make fun of them or do "homeless makeovers" like Howard Stern might, but maybe a homeless Real World or something. Obviously it'd be a little different, more like a documentary than comedy, but at least it might break down some stereotypes. Or if I'm being too naive, some other reality show where maybe you give a homeless person a home or money or, who knows. Hey, just throwing it out there.

Random thing #1

Last night I was at a party populated by a lot of nerdy folks, and I mean it in the nicest sense of the word. I actually overheard the following conversation:

GUY1: Did you get my last e-mail?
GUY2: About Aquaman?

Random thing #2

A lot of people asked me when this book that I'm working on is coming out. It's not sold yet. So it depends on if someone buys it after my agent sends it around. That's why you see me revising so much, and asking so many people for their opinions -- if it was already sold, I'd be working with an editor to revise it.

Random thing #3

Is the ability to do the Donald Duck voice genetic?

School daze

Some things that happened when I was in school that couldn't happen today:

1. In high school social studies, our teacher was showing a film. The actual film that was going through the projector started spilling out, all over the floor. We all noticed it and no one wanted to be the one to say something. The teacher didn't notice. Finally he noticed it. Because nobody said anything, he gave us a pop quiz to punish us.

Couldn't happen today; I'm sure they use VCRs.

2. When I had to write my sentences for Spanish class, using different verbs we were learning, I used to put in a lot of jokey threats. If the verb was "to plant," for instance, I'd write, "If you don't give me an A, I will plant you in the ground!!!" At the end of the year, my teacher wrote in my yearbook that she was glad she survived all of my warnings.

I'd probably be questioned by the police today.

3. In eighth grade, we had a fundraiser where you could pay a dollar and the Creative Arts teachers would take a photo of the kid you had a crush on, and slip it to you anonymously.

People are way too paranoid for this today.

There are probably other examples, but those are three off the top of my head. I wonder if kids know what "dittos" are. As I established recently, they still don't always use Spell Check...

Thanks

Yeah, I know the last few posts haven't been so interesting. I will add more soon, including more beginnings of novels (I know, hot stuff). In the meantime, thanks to whoever sent me those anonymous roses on V-Day!

Puggle!

On my way home from dinner in NY, I just got to pet a puggle! The owner was amused when I saw it and yelled, "Puggle!" She was very soft.

NOTE: My friend Jane will kill me if I don't remind you all to adopt a shelter dog. There are hundreds of sweet pooches awaiting happy homes.

But what?

I just got this in my daily Publisher's Lunch roundup:

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Leaving No BABY animal butts behind! The Book of Baby Animal Butts by Myrsini Stephanides
This one-of-a kind book brings animal and potty humor to new heights, skillfully combining high- and low-brow culture with adorable animal butts and sharp bons mots from wits throughout the ages.
Great for all animal lovers, this fun book features hilarious 4-color photos of some of the cutest and funniest animal behinds around. This one-of-a-kind animal humor book makes a great read for all ages. And what a bargain: just $7.95 for a hardcover with 64 baby animal butts in full color-that's less than 13 cents a butt, plus words!

Quote from inside my office

"The mayor just talked to me for 15 minutes about what he wasn't going to say."

So nice

I got this e-mail last night:

Subj: Carrie Pilby
Date: 2/13/2006 9:21:08 PM Eastern Standard Time
From: [redacted]
To: lizzner@aol.com
Sent from the Internet

Hi there, I loved reading "Carrie..." Would you ever write another novel, as a sequel? Sincerely, Ranya

It's so sweet that people are still finding Carrie Pilby, almost three years after it came out, and writing to me about it. My website address isn't even in the book, so they actually have to do a search to find it. I'm so glad...

Pigeon update

I went out with some Cheez-Its yesterday morning because it occurred to me that a pigeon who couldn't fly might have no where to go in the snow. I was wondering if he survived and needed food. (Or she; I'm not sure which one).

I didn't see him out there, although about 50 other pigeons appeared to nosh. It's probably harder for them to find food in the snow anyway. I'll check again today. I hope he's ok! Might be time to call the pigeon rehabilitator after all. Last time I saw him, which was about five days ago, his wing was kind of dragging, so I don't think his plan to heal without human help is working.

Happy Monday

I had a really good weekend. Hope y'all did. No, not everyone needs to know all the juicy (or unjuicy) details here. In any case, did I mention - it snowed...

Leapin' blizzards!

Just when you thought

You don't really think I'm done revising my book, do you?

I keep calling up the file to nip and tuck. It's nice to do that when I no longer need major major changes.

I really really want someone to read it and love it and publish it. So while it's still in my hands, I gotta do my best.

I want it to be emotionally devastating.

I'm waiting for my agent to read it and get back to me to tell me if it's ready to send out. This is out of my hands. You can't harass your agent. They have a lot to do. Maybe she'll read it during this snowy weekend. Or maybe she'll take a month.

It's certainly a lot cleaner than it was, and I cut out the slow parts.

If you are a female reader of my books, by the way, and are willing to read the first, say, 30-50 pages of this and give any reactions or opinions, e-mail me. UPDATE: I have gotten a few responses, so thanks! So as of Saturday evening, I don't need any more test readers. For those who responded, it'll be on the way...Even if you say "I found page 5 dull and skimmed it, but I like page 7, and this paragraph here doesn't strike me as realistic." Every comment is helpful - because my perspective isn't exactly unbiased.

I'm confident in it enough now to ask a few more people to peek. But you must keep it confidential. Thanks!