Woke up, put on clothes, etc.

Worst media pitch ever:

Hey [my name], because your company is a fellow member of the National Media Executives
Association, I've set it up for you to get an immediate try-out of two issues of the edgy
underground humor magazine if you ask for it in the next few days.
We're not controlled by advertisers or corporate publishers so we don't care who the
magazine pisses off...the handicapped, religion, molested children, "beloved" celebrities, etc. That's why we say "If it's too offensive, you're too old!" lol
Go to the website to get two issues mailed to you at the same time by Priority Mail.

Some of the pieces you'll get in Issue #1 include:
How To Explain War To Your Retard
Rules for Handling "Manhugs"
Why Judaism Should Be Retired
12 Things Billionaires Do
Bush's Colin
How To Get Her to Say "Yes" To 'Back-Door' Lovin'
And Issue #2 includes:
How To Convince Her To Have Your Abortion
Mexicans Can't Make Toast
Angry Black Man
Bush's Nigerian Letter Scam
...and the controversial, "When I Was Jesus" (What he does to the apostles is awful!!
lol)
You want to do this in the next few days to get the two-issue try-out arranged for you
before it gets removed from the website.
Hope things are going great with you and [newspaper's name] :)